University Love and Help from Upperclassmen

The first joke below relies on Chinese polysemy, where certain words and phrases can have multiple meanings. Therefore, it is likely that only Chinese readers and learners may appreciate it. Try reading the Chinese first:

In university, there are two kinds of people who aren’t romantically involved: One kind is “the kind who who disdains everyone else”, and the other kind is “the kind that is disdained by everyone else”. In university, there are two kinds of people who are most likely to be dumped: One kind doesn’t know “what love is”, and the other kind doesn’t know “what love making is”. These people all first “like one person”, and then “like being alone”.

The following are more straight-forward, with the humor being common in many English language jokes and humor…

One evening I was taking a walk around Weiming Lake [a famous scenic spot at Peking University] when I saw a junior brother [xue di younger male schoolmate, underclassman] and a junior sister [xue mei, younger female schoolmate, underclassman] sitting there admiring the scenery. Then, the wind started blowing, and the male student gently whispered in the female student’s ear, “It’s chilly. Can I hug/hold you?” The girl bashfully gave him a look and said, “No…” I thought to myself that he must not miss the same golden opportunity I had once missed, so I swiftly kicked the girl with all my might sending her into the lake then ran away… Good luck, junior brother, this is as far as your senior brother can bring you [the rest is up to you]…

“Good luck, junior brother” and “This is as far as X can bring you” have been popular expressions recently with numerous jokes having been been created following a similar pattern usually including something clearly outrageous or absurd. Here is another example:

One time I went to the cafeteria to eat when I saw a couple of sweethearts. Suddenly the guy saw a grain of rice on the girl’s face, so he asked: “There is a grain of rice on your face. Can I remove it for you?” The girl blushed and said, “No, unless there’s a lot.” So I stood up and slammed the girl’s head face first into her plate and then fled like the wind, keeping my good deed to myself. Good luck, junior brother, this is as far as your senior sister can bring you [the rest is up to you].

And here’s more, all created by Chinese university students on social networking sites Sina Weibo and Renren…

Yesterday at Wanxiu [place name], I came across a junior brother who wanted to swipe his student ID for a junior sister’s [purchases] but the junior sister wouldn’t let him. I immediately grabbed the junior sister’s student ID and broke it in half. Then I quietly left, keeping my good deed to myself. Junior brother, this is as far as your senior brother can bring you, the rest is up to you.

One day on the street I heard a junior brother confessing his love for a junior sister, but the junior sister rejected him, saying, “Unless you can get me an autographed photo of the most handsome guy at our school.” I quietly took out a colored photo of myself, signed on it, and slipped it into the junior brother’s hand. Good luck, junior brother! This is as far as your senior brother can bring you.

I was doing an experiment at the lab and by chance overheard a junior brother and junior sister in the lab next to mine doing an experiment with sodium sulfite. Junior brother: “Be my girlfriend!” Junior sister: “If you can make me smile, I’ll agree.” It is said that the junior sister is one of those ice queens that come only once every 600 years, and nobody has ever seen her smile. Hearing this, I grabbed a cylinder of nitrous oxide, pointed it at their lab, and opened the valve. Good luck, junior brother, this is as far as your senior sister can bring you.

Last night I was studying by myself on the sixth floor of Yijiao [Literally “First Class”]. The junior brother sitting next to me said to a junior sister: “Be my girlfriend!” The junior sister sighed and said, “I need to prepare for the graduate school entrance examination. I don’t want to be distracted.” After I heard that, I walked over, seized her books, and threw them all out the window. I then left the classroom quietly, not daring to look back at the look on their faces. Good luck, junior brother, this is as far as your senior brother can bring you.

One time as I was passing by a basketball court, I saw a young couple. The guy was helping the girl to walk, blushing as he asked with deep concern, “Are you okay? How about I carry you on my back?” The girl murmured, “It’s…it’s okay, I can still walk…” I couldn’t bear to watch this any longer, picked up a brick, threw it at her, and then immediately fled… Good luck, junior brother! this is as far as your senior brother can bring you… as I heard their screaming and shrieking fade away. I kept my good deed to myself.

I was studying by myself today when I overhead a conversation behind me. A junior brother said to a junior sister: “Come sit with me [let’s study together], it will make studying easier.” The junior sister replied with disdain, “Accounting is too simple/easy, I can understand everything within a very short time.” I turned back and threw a Elements of Economic Law at the junior sister’s face. Without looking at the look on their faces nor even turning my head back, I walked out of the classroom with big, long strides… Good luck, junior brother, this is as far as your senior brother can bring you…

Today I was dining on the top floor of a mall on Riverside Avenue when I overhead a conversation between a junior brother and a junior sister. Junior brother: “Be my girlfriend” Junior sister: “You want me to be your girlfriend? Only if I’m dead!!” Upon hearing this, I thought of my own miserable experiences, directly walked up and pushed the junior sister off the building. Good luck, junior brother, this is as far as your senior brother can bring you…

How have you gone out of your way to “help” an underclassman in matters of romance and love?