Technology, Chinese Poetry, Breakups & Beauty

The most important thing learned from an internship with Baidu is that adding “wap” before “wenku” in the link will enable you to copy any part of the document; the most important thing learned from an internship with Youku is that adding “xia” after “youku” in the link will enable you to download the video; the most important thing learned from an internship with Tudou is that adding “?tid=-1” will enable you to skip the 45-second commercial. What’s the most important thing you learned from an internship?

Everyone says that Shanghainese men are especially good husbands, and I finally believe it. One time a friend of mine was at a coffee shop in Shanghai. At the table beside him were two men having a private conversation.

A: I’m really looking forward to the iPhone 5 coming out.

B: So are many other people.

A (rubbing his hands together): As soon as the iPhone 5 comes out…I’ll be able to use my wife’s iPhone 4S! 

-How did you feel when you came out of your mom’s belly?

-At the end of the wood was the fountainhead of the stream. I beheld a hill, with a small opening from which issued a glimmer of light. I stepped ashore to explore the crevice. My first steps took me into a passage that accommodated only the width of one person. After I progressed about scores of paces, it suddenly widened into an open field.

[Note: This joke is funny because the answer is adapted from the second paragraph of “A Tale of the Fountain of the Peach Blossom Spring” by Tao Qian/Tao Yuanming. The above English translation was originally done by Luo Jingguo.]

Tang poetry can basically be summarized as: The countryside has homebodies, the borderlands has fenqing, nostalgia can’t be handled, saying goodbye is filled with homosexuality.

[Note: There is a number of ways of interpreting this joke and what it is actually talking about.]

A guy had a fight with his girlfriend. He called her preparing to apologize and when the call finally went through after ringing for a long time…

Woman: “Sorry…”
Man (very excited but pretending to be calm): “You finally realized you were wrong.”
Woman: “…the number you have dialed cannot be completed at this time.”
Man: “…”

A guy decided to “put all his cards on the table” with his girlfriend. Girl: Give me a reason for why you want to break up with me. Guy: We’re incompatible. Girl: How are we incompatible? Guy: Our sexes are incompatible [meaning he is gay]

The most ridiculous reasons for breaking up:

– He supports Spain but I support Italy.

– One supports Han Han, and the other one supports Fang Zhouzi.

– I was too stingy to treat him to dumplings.

– You are too tall, it’s inconvenient for us to hold hands.

– The amount of food you eat keeps increasing.

– She is very light-skinned while I am very dark-skinned. [We broke up] to avoid giving birth to an Oreo.

– A friend of mine fell in love with you. Go be with him.

– The Taiwanese Christian girl fell in love with the Party member, but the Party member was not willing to give up his faith in great Communism.

Taylor Swift‘s big transformation…A netizen’s reaction: Life is full of hope.

After watching Painted Skin 2, I learned one thing: There is only one situation where a man doesn’t care about a woman’s appearance—when he’s blind.