Olympics, Rainstorms, & Ugly Pageant Winners

They say this is the reason why the Queen didn’t look very happy at the Opening Ceremony. I think the person who added this caption must’ve been an American.

Chinese people are simply niu, taking the first gold [medal] and the first bronze [medal], leavings others the first silver [medal]…

[Note: 首银 shǒuyín “first silver” and 手淫 shǒuyín “masturbation” are homophones.]

Bai Suzhen! STOP right now! Xu Xian is definitely not in Beijing!!

[Note: This joke is related to the torrential rainstorm in Beijing. In the Legend of the White Snake, Bai Suzhen is a female white snake who flooded the lands looking for her husband Xu Xian.This joke creatively illustrates Beijingers’ wish for the rain to stop.]

When you park, you have to park in the actual parking spots. There’s a reason for this…

Celebrity Imitated Show [a Taiwanese variety show] imitated the Chongqing Miss World pageant winners who recently rose to fame. Which one looks most like the original?

[Note: The top three winners of the Miss World beauty pageant in the Chongqing region of China were criticized on China’s internet for being “too ugly“. A judge later told a newspaper in Chongqing, “We received quite a lot of pressure when selecting the top three finalists.”]

Even a steamed buns seller is better looking than the champion and second runner-up of the Miss World beauty pageant…

Usually, when a guy asks if you have a boyfriend, he means that he wants to be your boyfriend. Usually, when a girl asks if you have a girlfriend, she’s just asking…

When looking for a girlfriend, be sure to first check her Taobao rank. Having only one or two red stars is best. Think twice if she has diamonds.

[Note: The customer’s ranking on Taobao, an ecommerce site similar to eBay, is based on the user’s purchase frequency and the customer’s credit: red star < diamond < crown. Having a diamond suggests that person spends a lot of money shopping.]

Guys should all be delivery boys in summer, because girls don’t like wearing bras when at home.

“First-year female students are gold, second-year female students are silver, third-year female students are copper, fourth-year female students are iron.” “Good! They’re getting more active year by year!”