North Korea's World Cup Loss To Portugal, Chinese Reactions

From Mop:

Various niu internet comments following North Korea’s loss

Rumor has it that the North Korean Workers Party’s newspaper Rodong Sinmun ran a story on the 22nd: “A people that can afford to lose is a people with hope, the great Juche Idea is ever-victorious.”

Before the opponent that eliminated them 44 years ago, the North Korean team met its worst defeat in history. What was different this time was that this match was the first World Cup match ever broadcast live in North Korea. As soon as the final whistle was blown, North Korean state TV switched to another program without any comment on the game at all. At full time, the expression on the face of manager Kim Jong-Hun was a picture of dejection, and the team gave no interviews. Walking past the reporters’ box, star forward Jeong Dae-sae was heard to say “I hoped to get revenge against Portugal for what happened 44 years ago, I never thought we’d let in so many goals.

Wishing the North Korean team a safe trip home, below are some Mop member comments regarding North Korea’s brutal loss:

1. Capitalist countries really are cruel… the people of socialist countries are just too kind-hearted.

2. Some international aid organisation there should take the initiative and rescue the North Korean team… I’ve heard that there’s a lot of space for running, they do plastic surgery really well, lots of international criminals get it done there…

3. Developing soccer talent in socialist countries is a long and arduous task…

4. Portugal’s lively performance wasn’t that of a single grape, but a whole bunch. [A pun on ‘Portugal’: in Chinese the first two syllables of that nation’s name spell out the word ‘grape’. Not really that funny even if you speak Chinese actually.]

5. Japanese media sources were quoted in Voice of America saying that the game would be broadcast on Korean State TV. According to the Twittersphere, as soon as the score got to 5:0, the game was cut, and scenes showing the Kumgangsan tourist region were shown in its place. For those players, I think that being sent to the mines will be the least of their worries.

6、主公被4反贼2忠臣1内奸人一球……[Do not really understand this.]

7. I bet 1000 RMB that North Korea will be launching a nuclear attack against Portugal this year!!!

8. Portugal, you need to give the UN Security Council a written explanation, give the international community an explanation. North Korea is going to use the nuke!!!

9. Although capitalism will inevitably be replaced by socialism, and capitalist soccer teams will be surpassed by socialist teams, it’s going to be a long time coming!

10. Tonight, the North Korean team knows how the Chinese team always feels…

11. 5 North Korean players have started permanent residence in South Africa. The rest are going home to face the firing squad.

12. A headline on the Mop.com homepage: “If you win you’ll be meeting Kim Jong-Il, If you lose, you’ll be meeting Kim Il-Sung…” (too hilarious).

13. I only went out to eat and North Korea got themselves into such a mess!

14. 7 – 0, they let in a goal for every day of the week.

15. Although the North Korean team is built on faith and belief, without victory, belief holds as much water as a sieve.

16. The North Koreans were quite honest, at least they played cleanly, not like those Portuguese niubi‘s, with their diving, foul play, they were so dirty, fuck.

17. North Korea’s running dog state media would definitely not dare broadcast this. But North Korea today is our yesterday. This should make us reflect about the humiliation we suffered historically are not ridicule, because we are still being ridiculed today.

18. All of the North Korean team members were fallen angels in their past life~~~ so please never go hurt the coal miners~ give them a shovel and let them go do what they really enjoy doing…

19. North Korea has finally surpassed China….

20. The Chinese team can not go to the World Cup and still win honor/glory.

21. North Korea urgently needs some skilled film editors!

22. Fatty Kim [a nickname for Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il] said: The entire North Korean team, after the World Cup, is being banished to Foxconn. [Foxconn is the Chinese company which made news for a recent spate of employee suicides.]

23. As a loyal fan of the DPRK soccer team, I am observing a mourning period of four days without soccer.

24. Apply for political asylum… you can stay in South Africa.

25. It’s not the World Cup, it’s Hollywood!

26. The North Korean team are still fortunate/blessed…at least them losing will mean mining coal in North Korea…and not mining coal in China…

27. In a year we’ll hear the story of a tragic accident in a North Korean mine which claimed the lives of eleven miners…

28. They won’t be working in mines, but clearing them. Land mines, that is.

29. The reason they lost is that too many Chinese fans were supporting them.

30. Those poor North Korean girls, it was the first time they had gone overseas, they probably weren’t used to those South African beds…

31. From now on when you support the North Korean team you’re supporting the production of coal!

32. And the North Koreans sing: “Our defences are often broken, our goal mouth awaits you, no matter how far, no matter how close, it’s always a goal, you can…”

33. North Korean grapes: 7 RMB for 500g. [Another pun.]

34. After the Americans lost 0-3, Poland breathed a sigh of relief. “At least we’re not as bad as America!” When Ukraine lost 0-4, the Americans also breathed a sigh of relief: “As long as we have Ukraine, we aren’t the worst team!” When Serbia lost a game 0-6, the Ukrainians breathed a sigh of relief: “Thank God for Serbia!” Serbia looked at everyone gloating at others’ misfortunes, and cried: “China, where are you? The Serbian people miss you!” (China looks at North Korea, and North Korea says: “What are you losers looking at?”)

35. You’ve made a fundamental mistake. It’s not important whether or not they’ll be sent to the mines, you’ve forgotten that in the North Korean workers’ paradise, the position of a miner is higher than that of a football player!

36. I watched the beginning but didn’t guess the ending.

From Mop:

Spielberg’s next movie: Saving Minoer Jong Tae-Se

Things happen fast in North Korea, Jeong Dae-Sae’s work permit is already ready. After receiving his orders from General Kim Jong-Il, Jeong was crying with happiness, thanking General Kim, his country, the North Korean Workers’ Party…

Spielberg’s next movie: Saving Miner Jeong Dae-Se