Long Hair, Chinese Parents, Anti-Hetero Bias

#When My Hair Is Long Enough to Touch My Waist#

When my hair is long enough to reach my waist, young man, will you marry me?

The above phrase comes from a line of Chinese poetry but became popular on the Chinese internet recently with the above two Chinese study abroad students at the University of Cambridge in the UK. Their photos were posted online after they had volunteered to provide legal assistance to Chinese companies after the EU announced it would launch an anti-dumping investigation against Chinese companies. The two photos led Chinese netizens to quote the above phrase, suggesting romance for the two good-looking students. Soon, Chinese netizens began uploading photos of their hair with parodies of the phrase.

“When my hair is long enough to reach my waist, young man, will you marry me?” —First, you need to have a young man; second, you need to have a waist.

When my hair is long enough to reach my waist, young man, will you…hey! Young man, don’t run away!

Who told you girls to have nothing better to do than go on about “long hair reaching the waist” everyday?

Yesterday, I went to eat Roast Duck Over Rice. At the table next to me sat a father and a daughter. The daughter looked like she was a high school student～Snip [indicating the end of background information]～The moment the roast duck over rice came, the uncle [a friendly way of addressing an older man, referring to the father] began giving his roast duck to his daughter, putting it on her plate, all the while saying: “Here, have more, have more!” Louzhu [I] was touched: Talk about a good father of China! However, then came the GC [the climax of the story]. The uncle continued: “Have more, so when you become a fatty and no one pursues you, you’ll finally [settle down] and focus on your studies! ～Uncle～! What are you trying to do here? What happened to being a good father～?

[Note: 中国好XX [zhōng guó hǎo XX] Literally, the “good XX of China”. Alternatively can be understood as “Chinese good XX” but ultimately an expression made popular by the popular reality singing competition show, The Voice of China and used as an exaggeration and hyperbole.]

I’ve fancied a goddess [a Chinese internet meme referring to the object of a man’s affection] for a long time. I even once confessed my love to her and was rejected, but we still often chat. Today while chatting with her, something came up and I momentarily left [the computer]. My mom then pretended to be me and continued the chat with her. When I came back and looked at the chat history, she actually agreed to be my girlfriend! Haha! Mom, you’re so awesome! So I just want to say two things: 1. “Aged ginger is more pungent” [a Chinese proverb meaning older people are generally more experienced or wiser than the young, such as achieving what the young can’t]; 2. I’m surely her biological son.

The new underwear my mom bought me…snip…do I wear it or not…?

Every time my mom uploads pictures to her Qzone, she immediately logs onto my dad’s QQ and comments on her pictures: “You are so pretty! This truly is “using one’s own hands to get ample food and clothing…” [a famous slogan created by Mao Zedong in 1939]

[Translation of the text:]

Today, when Mom was cleaning up the fridge,
she took out three bulbs of garlic,
which had gone so bad that they had turned purple-black
and green sprouts had grown out.
Holding the garlic, Mom said to me:
Look, although these bulbs of garlic have gone bad,
they are still capable of generating new life!
What tenacious spirit this shows.
Hearing that, I was greatly enlightened,
In the future, I shall never find a wife like my mom,
a woman who is so lazy that she leaves garlic bulbs until they die
and yet still can find so many excuses.
This is such a meaningful day!

[Note: “A Meaningful Thing/Day” is a classic essay topic from the first to the sixth grade in the Chinese elementary school education.]

A friend of mine works at an airline company. She told me that today someone made a complaint about a flight attendant. The reason was…[she] had asked a passenger to turn off his mobile phone, only for that passenger to hold up his “golden tyrant” [a new gold-colored iPhone 5S] and say. “This is 5S!” So the flight attendant took out her iPhone 3 and said: “And this is your uncle.”

[Note: 土豪金 [tǔ háo jīn] Literally “local tyrant” and “gold”, a popular Chinese internet meme used to describe the new gold-colored iPhone 5S, popular in China because it easily distinguishes itself from previous versions of the iPhone and as a color symbolizing prosperity and wealth. The internet meme can be understood variously as “tyrant gold”, “golden tyrant”, or “the gold of a tyrant”, a humorous way of stereotyping the sort of people who would buy such a color iPhone and, their behavior, and their characters suggesting that they may be arrogantly wealthy. “Your uncle” is used here both to indicate the iPhone 3 as being an elder to the new iPhone 5S and also as yet another variation of the “your mother” or “your sister” way of essentially saying “fuck you”.]

Today I saw a girl pursuing a guy, super cute, saying: “Be my boyfriend, okay? If okay, then great. But if not, then I’ll have to think of another way.”

#How Can People of Different Sexes Love Each Other#