‘How I Met Your Mother’

This week’s Jokes & Humor is a collection of jokes and quips circulated on popular Chinese microblogging platform Sina Weibo and Chinese netizens responses to an internet post asking “How did you two officially become a couple?” on popular Chinese social network Douban.

clainblue:

We were chatting on the phone before going to sleep.

Him: I can’t sleep.
Me: Why?
Him: Because you are not mine yet.
Me: Well, you can sleep at ease now…

诗雯♬ ♨：

I will tell my story!

Him: Have you decided?
Me: Give me more time to think about it…
Him: If it’s okay, just say yes; if it’s not okay, then I’ll think of another way…
Me: …you can stop thinking!

夏小草:　　

She decided to get back together with her ex-boyfriend, and I sent her a message:

“Now that you’ve decided to be with him,
you should be true to him.
Don’t be too close with other guys,
or he will be jealous.
Learn to be considerate,
help him share the burdens.
He may not buy McDonald’s for you in the middle of the night,
but reminding you to eat at regular times is more important.
You must find what you want to do,
no one can forever remain a child to be taken care of by others.
Don’t always be playing video games,
they’re actually quite pointless.

Learn useful things,
prepare for going abroad.
Listen to your parents,
don’t eat too much spicy food,
and be happy.”

…
But in the end I still couldn’t stop myself, and the last message was: “I like you.”

Now she’s my girlfriend~^____^

王菲:

Man: Do you know how painful it is when the person you love is standing in front of you but you can’t even hold her hand?
Woman: (It really is quite pitiful)…

And so a hand was extended…

One month later~

Man: Do you know how painful it is when you can only hold your beloved person’s hand but can’t kiss her?
Woman: (It really is somewhat pitiful)…

And so a kiss was given away.

Finally we were together.
It’s been two years now.

瞬间空白：

I met her on Douban, and have always been good friends. Today, after reading this post, I said to her on QQ [a popular Chinese online chatting software]: Have you seen this post?

Her: No. Send it to me and I’ll take a look.
Me: OK.

A while later.

Her: Not bad.
Me: Pretty heartwarming.
Her: Yep.
Me: I want to write something too.

Her: Go for it.
Me: But I don’t have a leading actress [girlfriend]. Can you be a guest actress?
Her: Sure.

I hope we can get together.

A female colleague got married. The husband isn’t the guy who sent her flowers everyday, but instead the delivery boy. Ha Ha…

A boy confessed his love to the girl in his heart, “Do you like me?”
The girl said, “Guess.”
The guy was thrilled, “Yes, you do!”
The girl replied, “Keep guessing.”

A son asks his dad: “I heard that in ancient times, the groom had to wait until the wedding to see what the bride looks like. Is that true?”
Dad replies: “Yes, that’s true. But today’s grooms have to wait even longer. They don’t know what the brides really look like until after getting married.

“…Just what do you see in me [like about me]? I’ll change it, okay?”
“What I like about you is that you don’t like me. Go change that…”

Young people shouldn’t spend all the time on the Internet. If you want to find a boyfriend/girlfriend, go to the bookstore. They’ve even sorted them out for you:

If you like nerdy ones, go to the College English Test (CET-4/6) section;
If you like graceful ones, go to the Music Scores section;
If you like artsy-fartsy ones, go to the Prose and Travelogue sections;
If you like trendy and pretty ones, go to the Cosmetics and Magazines sections;
If you like family guys/girls, go to the Recipes and Cuisines sections;
If you like smart ones, go to the Economics and Finance section;
If you like the younger ones, go to the Course Companion section, where the books are even sorted out by the grade they’re in.